Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Totally Awkward Tuesday.

So, as I mentioned, we had a Thanksmas dinner this past weekend. We invited our dearest friends over for dinner to celebrate the season with people we love like family but aren't genetically or legally tied to in any way. We would have loved to invite a whole crap ton of people, but (a) our house is small and (b) we were on a tight budget and wanted to make sure people actually had food to eat at our dinner party.

Anyway, I made lasagna from scratch and people brought food and wine (oh, the wine!) and it was a great time -- at least we really enjoyed it.

So in order to get this all done both Kyle and I woke up at the buttcrack to get everything done, since we were making everything save the lasagna noodles. It was a busy day juggling kids and cooking and trying to not get in each other's way and you know, getting dressed before people showed up.

Anyway, so my friend S was there early because she needed to construct her salad and because she was nearby anyway. And she's sitting on my couch while her daughter played with Kiedis, and I'm watching for our other friend M who was waiting in her car because both her husband and her child were asleep but was making her way up our front stairs when Kyle's phone rang on the mantle right next to where I was standing.

He hears it in the kitchen and yells for me to answer it, and looking down at the number I saw it was a local exchange, so I assumed it was someone who was running late or didn't know where we lived and I hadn't answered my phone so they called Kyle because this is how we roll, most of the time.

So I say hello, AS YOU DO, and the voice on the other line just says "Tabatha?" kind of slow and forced, like it's odd for someone's spouse to answer their cell phone. It isn't in my experience, but hey, I guess we're special because we believe in transparency in our relationship FOR OBVIOUS REASONS.

So with minor warning bells going off in my head, I replied simple "Yes?" and then, well, I had tunnel vision for a minute.

It was my EMIL.

As soon as it clicked (which was kind of instantaneously) I looked at my friend S on my couch blissfully oblivious of the chaos potentially erupting. I thought about people showing up to my house and this dinner party we'd been planning for months that we'd so been looking forward to and the kids playing happily on the floor and I listened to my gut, which was immediately in fight or flight.

And I realized that it wasn't worth the effort.

She no sooner finished her name than I hung up because NO CONTACT MEANS NO CONTACT.

I then walked in to the kitchen, phone in hand, and gave it to Kyle, telling him what had just happened. He was actually slightly angry because (a) she refuses to listen to him and (b) she damn near ruined our party just by being her stupid self.

Luckily, I was able to quickly shake it and move on, and a great night was had by all. But for a split second, I was frozen because OF ALL TIMES TO CALL WHEN YOU'RE NOT WELCOME TO EVER AND EVER AMEN. My only solace was that if I'd blown up or been reduced to tears, S and M know all about that business and if ever there was a time to be surrounded by the people who have supported us while we recover from all the insanity spearheaded by my EMIL, it was these people, but I didn't want the evening to be another time to deal with my drama, I wanted it to be a celebration of all they've done for us already and a show of appreciation for them being in our lives.

Basically, I picked love over gratification.

Of course, yesterday she emailed him all in a huff because I hung up on her and then went through the same exact me-me-me rigmarole that she always does, which completely and utterly ignores that Kyle has thoughts or feelings or ideas about anything involving her.

I asked him how he felt about her doing this yet again, and he replied that what pissed him off the most, other than it's the same message over and over no matter how many times he asks and tells her to not contact him again, was that she completely ignored me as a part of our family -- like the kids sprouted out of his head all on their own and other than the fact that I hung up on her, I'm not worth mentioning. He said he has no desire to feed into her still incredibly self-important mind games and manipulation while she consistently ignores his desires and continually dis-includes me as someone important to him. These grandchildren that are only important to her when it serves her purposes, THEY CAME OUT OF MY VAGINA. That's not just a throw-away fact; THEY WOULD NOT EXIST WERE IT NOT FOR ME AND MY BODY.

Kyle doubts he's going to respond because he said it's a waste of his time.

So yeah. Awkward, but I guess only for me.